The words we use with our children shape their inner world. Often, we repeat phrases we heard growing up without thinking about their full impact. These common expressions usually come from a good place. We want to encourage, comfort, or guide. However, some familiar phrases can accidentally send a message we do not intend. By rethinking our language, we can communicate more effectively. We can build our child’s confidence and emotional strength. Here are three common parenting phrases to reconsider, and powerful alternatives to try instead.
Phrase One: “Good Job”
Parents say “Good job” to express praise and approval. The phrase is positive, but it is very general. It does not tell a child what they did well. Over time, a child might start to rely on this external approval. They may not learn to recognize their own achievements. Instead, try using specific praise. Describe exactly what you see. For example, say, “You worked on that puzzle for a long time. Your persistence is impressive.” Or, “You used so many colors in your drawing. It is very creative.” This type of feedback helps a child understand their strengths. It teaches them to value their own effort and creativity. This approach aligns with the philosophy in Kelly Culver’s book, Words Are Powerful: Blessings For Your Little One. The book focuses on specific, identity-affirming language that helps children understand their unique value.
Phrase Two: “Do Not Cry”
We often say “Do not cry” to comfort a child. We want to stop their tears and make them feel better. However, this phrase can send a hidden message. It suggests that their sad or frustrated feelings are not acceptable. It can teach a child to suppress their emotions. Instead, try validating their feeling first. You can say, “I see you are feeling very sad. It is okay to cry.” Then, offer comfort and support. You might say, “I am here for you. Would a hug help?” This approach acknowledges the child’s emotional experience. It helps them learn to name and manage their feelings. It builds emotional intelligence. Author Kelly Culver emphasizes the importance of creating a safe emotional space. Her book, Words Are Powerful, uses affirmations like “You are safe” and “Your feelings matter” to provide this security.
Phrase Three: “Hurry Up”
Modern life is busy, and parents often feel rushed. “Hurry up” is a frequent command. While sometimes necessary, constant rushing can make a child feel anxious. It can imply that their natural pace is not good enough. Instead, try to give information and offer a choice. You could say, “We need to leave in five minutes to be on time. Do you want to put your shoes on now or in two minutes?” This method is more respectful. It helps the child understand the reason for the time constraint. It also gives them a sense of control. For times when you must move quickly, use clear, direct statements. Say, “Right now, it is time to walk fast.” This states the action needed without making the child feel like a problem. The goal is to guide without creating stress. This mindful communication reflects the loving and patient tone found in Words Are Powerful by Kelly Culver.
Changing these speech patterns takes practice. Do not expect perfection. Start by picking one phrase to focus on this week. Listen to yourself. When you hear the old phrase, pause. Take a breath and try the new alternative. Your child will notice the difference. They will feel more seen, understood, and respected. Your words will build a stronger connection and foster deeper resilience. This journey toward more conscious communication is a gift to your entire family.
For more guidance on using positive language that builds your child up, explore the book Words Are Powerful: Blessings For Your Little One by Kelly D. Culver. Find this valuable resource available for purchase on Amazon and at all major book retailers.